How to build meaningful relationships

Good conversation helps

Think.

Yes, I know. How can I be writing about meaningful relationships when the world around us feels rather polarised and broken?

Because we need them more than ever.

Too many leaders in politics and business do a lot of yelling and telling.

They start with a strong opinion. On everything. Facts, experiences, or perspectives to the contrary are ignored.

They act first, often with a threat even if it damages the relationship. It’s all about exerting power and doing it fast.

It’s as if they’ve forgotten how to be curious. Or they’re too arrogant and disinterested to ask people what they think. There’s a them-and-us dynamic; they keep relationships to a tight, familiar circle of friends, family, and advisors. The rest of us are there to take orders and get on with things. It becomes an instruction if not a transaction.

It's not healthy.

That’s why I wanted to set out what it takes to build meaningful relationships; in case we needed reminding.

Three things stand out for me, inspired by my conversation with Topaz Adizes, the curator of the Emmy-award winning series ‘The AND’ documentary in my latest Lancefield on the Line podcast.

First, create the right space for a deeper dialogue. This involves the environment you choose, the context for the conversation so people know what they’re stepping into, and the format of the dialogue.

Second, ask questions that create a connection and insight:

• Avoid binary (yes/no) questions – Instead of “Is this the right strategy?” try “What have we learned that can improve our strategy?”

• Ask constructive questions – Shift from “Why did this campaign fail?” to “What insights can we take from this campaign for the next one?”

• Make questions connective – Instead of “What do you love about your job?” try “What do we both love about the work we do together?”

• Offer questions as gifts, not threats – Approach conversations with genuine curiosity.

• Ask surprising questions – Challenge assumptions by combining unexpected ideas, e.g., “What are the failures hidden in our successes?”

Third, practise intentional listening to help you truly understand:

• Great questions mean nothing without great listening. Too often, we focus on what we’ll say next instead of truly absorbing what’s being shared.

• The best way to listen deeply is to feel your body—notice your breath, your reactions, and where emotions land in you.

• Pause before responding. Insight comes not from rushing to fill space but from allowing a question to breathe.

• Be present—true listening happens when we stop formulating our next response and simply take in what’s being shared.

“Your mind is built to protect. Your heart is built to connect. So how do you bring out the space of the heart to speak?”

Listen.

You can listen to my Lancefield on the Line podcast with Topaz here.

He reminds the quality of your life is connected to the quality of your relationships.

And the quality of your relationships is connected to the quality of your conversations, referring to the work of Esther Perel.

You can watch the episode here:

Visualise.

Topaz’s Skin Deep is an Emmy award winning experience design studio which produces The AND. It illuminates

‘human relationships - the space between couples, family, friends, strangers and more. We celebrate and amplify real connections in increasingly disconnected world by capturing genuine, heartfelt conversations between two people.’

Pick a conversation.

One you can relate to, perhaps.

Watch, listen, learn.

Try it yourself with somebody close to you. Or even a stranger.

Use the cards they offer as prompts.

Read.

So appalled at the backlash about diversity, equity, and inclusion, especially in the US, I wrote a post about what we allies can do to support. It didn’t feel enough. Then I read this piece by Stefan Stern in the Guardian; he eloquently argues that CEOs following Trump’s fight against diversity are making a big mistake.

‘Rather than an ever-narrowing elite of CEOs becoming more and more detached from their workforce, we would do better to try to reconnect. Companies and workplaces should be vibrant and cohesive communities of people.’

Challenge yourself.

Pick one of the topics I referred to – environment, questions, listening.

Focus on one practice you can work on.

Try it in your next conversation.

Notice what you experience as you do. See how your relationships improve.

Strategy Shift.

If you’re looking to become more strategic in the way you lead your organisation and team and you’re facing a complex, high-stakes challenge, you might value my advice and coaching. I work with a handful of C-Suite executives every year on a retainer basis; yes, meaningful relationships based on proper conversation.

You can find out more about the service here.

Otherwise you can:

• Take my Strategic Leader online course.

• Get my high-stakes meetings toolkit.

• Read one of my articles on strategy, leadership, innovation, and culture in Harvard Business Review, MIT Sloan Review, or Strategy+Business.

• Enjoy my free resources, including the Strategic Snippet Series and Butterfly Effects.

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That’s all for this edition. Thanks for your interest, encouragement, and inspiration.

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